


Telling Rodney

by respoftw



Series: Tumblr Prompts - McShep edition [24]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Coming Out, DADT Repeal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 23:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18200633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Rodney finds out that John is gay





	Telling Rodney

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amycooper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amycooper/gifts).



> Back in January, amycooper tagged me in [this tumblr post](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com/post/183633530392/buffycuddlespigs-cerulean-beekeeper) with six lines of dialogue and I took it upon myself to come up with a ficlet that used all six lines. 
> 
> I then forgot about it entirley until now. So, sorry for the delay!

John was gay.

John _Sheppard_ was gay.

 _Lt. Colonel John Sheppard_ was a gay man.

And until twenty seconds ago, Rodney - Rodney _McKay_ \- _Dr Rodney McKay, double PhD_ hadn’t had a clue.

“Are you sure you’re not having some sort of existential crisis over there?”  John’s teasing drawl was tinged with what sounded like genuine concern.

Concern.  That was - - well, it was.. _indecent_ of John to sound all concerned and worried when he hadn’t bothered, not once, to share the fact that he was gay at any point during the past six years.  Six years of friendship and - - maybe that was the problem. It wouldn’t have been the first time that Rodney had misread a situation.

“Were we ever even friends?” Rodney asked, his voice quiet in the empty lab.  

“What?” John stopped leaning on the lab table, pushing up straight.  He took a step forward towards Rodney and then moved back again, sitting heavily on the table.  “Of course we were friends. We _are_ friends.  You’re my best friend.”

Pretty words but Rodney wasn’t buying them.  “No,” he shook his head. “See, because you being gay is the kind of thing that someone would tell their supposed best friend.  It’s not like we haven’t seen each other almost every single day for the past six years. All you’ve ever had to do was walk into the labs and find me.  Or was that not possible for some reason?” Rodney made a big show of looking around him, waving his arms to showcase how very not hard he was to find.  “It was a miracle you even found me today, trapped in this shadow as I am. Tell me you can help me. _Please_.”  He knew he was acting like an ass but he was angry damnit.  Angry and hurt and - - “Oh my God, I kept calling you Kirk and accusing you of sleeping with all of those women - - and - “

“You couldn’t have known if you never asked. It’s my fault.”  

Rodney laughed shrilly.  “Damn right it’s your fault.  And what do you mean that I never asked?  I never asked you what your favourite sandwich is but I know it’s a Turkey club.  You seriously need to be asked something before you’ll volunteer some information - who acts like that?”

“See, but you _did_ ask me about my favourite sandwich.  Back in our first year when all we had was tava beans and tuttle root and - - “

“This joy you get from belittling others. Does it help you? Does it make you feel big and strong?”

 John stood up again and did another one of those shuffling step forward, step back moves.  Sighing, he sat back down again. “I have never belittled you, Rodney. I wasn’t - - look, I’m not good with this kind of thing, ok?  The talking thing, the buddy thing, whatever you want to call it. Until two minutes ago I hadn’t ever told anyone that I was gay. Not ever.”

 Rodney paused at that.  Never? In forty years, he was supposed to believe that John had never once told anyone he was gay.  Did he really expect Rodney to believe that?

 The funny thing was though, one look at the pain on John’s face and Rodney did believe him.  

 “You’re an idiot, you know that?  What the hell did you think I would do?”

“Well, I thought you might freak out,” John drawled.  “You sure proved me wrong on that one.”

“Oh, har der har, idiot.  I think I’m entitled to a little freak out.  This is - it’s just typical of you, you know that?”

“What have I done wrong now?” John sighed.

“First of all, being gay isn’t wrong so quit it with that kind of talk.”  Rodney tried very hard to ignore the way John’s face softened at that - he wasn’t ready to let John off the hook just yet.  “And second of all, you really do think I’m some kind of Superman. No,” Rodney held out his hand to stall John’s oft-repeated line that literally no-one thought that.  “You do. All of you do, but especially you. Every time, it’s Rodney’ll figure out a plan or, Rodney will fix it. Do you have any idea how often I have worked my ass off, making miracles happen, just to keep us all alive?”  Rodney shook his head, slumping down into his chair. “And yet, you continue to ask the impossible of me.”

John pushed off his table and moved forward again, only this time he kept moving forward until he reached Rodney’s chair.  John crouched down on his haunches, a move that would have made Rodney’s own knees scream, until they were at the same eye level.

“What impossible thing am I asking of you now?” John asked.  

Rodney closed his eyes.  John deserved an answer but that didn’t mean that Rodney had to be looking at him when he gave it.

“You’re asking me to settle for being your friend when I now know that it isn’t that you can’t love me back, it’s that you _don’t._ ”

The silence that followed that statement felt like it lasted an eternity but in reality, it must have lasted only a few seconds.  Still, those few seconds were long enough for Rodney to regret everything; his words, this conversation, joining the expedition in the first place; but then none of that mattered.  What the hell could possibly matter when John’s lips, John Sheppard’s lips, Lt. Colonel John Sheppard’s lips were pressed against his own.

Rodney’s mind whited out.

The next day, when John stood up in front of the expedition and announced that DADT had been officially repealed and all members of the US military could serve with the luxury of being open about their sexuality, Rodney was right there next to him, holding his hand.

“Hey,” John said, drawing Rodney’s attention away from the various celebrating couples in the mess hall.  “I want to say thank you. For - well - did I ask you to hold my hand through this? No. Am I glad you did anyway? Yes.”

Rodney squeezed John’s hand.  “What did I say about being an idiot?”

John smiled.  “To stop. That Rodney McKay didn’t love idiots.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Rodney agreed.  “So, shut up and kiss me.”

To the accompanying sound of caterwauls and whooping, John did.


End file.
